befriending my inner critic ...

I'll never forget the day I befriended my inner critic.  It was one of the breakthrough moments of my NLP training a few years ago.

She was a nasty piece of work.  Brought me down constantly with her bitchy remarks and deeply gloomy attitude.  Nothing was ever good enough for her.  Especially me.  

I'd been trying to shut her up for years, but she wasn't having it.  I'd been doing it all wrong.  I didn't realise she was just a misguided part of me who actually thought she was helping.  So suppressing her just made her scream louder ... 

And when I actually started listening to her, we worked it out in about 5 minutes!  And when she came over to my side, I burst into racking sobs and tears of relief (hers I think) as she relaxed and kinda dissolved into me.  No longer separate, frustrated and alone.  She was home.  And just glad to kick her shoes off, let go and rest.   

Then an electric shock went through my entire body as I got back all the energy she'd been using to keep her tirade going.  Feeling all this new power left me shaky and spacey for the rest of the day.

Seriously life-changing stuff!

That evening as I walked back along the seafront at Brighton, all the colours seemed brighter and the sounds around me happier.  People smiled at me for no reason.  I think all that positive energy was catching. 

And as I climbed the stairs to the apartment where I was staying, I suddenly noticed I could see both of the walls.  This was a shock.  My vision was wider.  Before I would not have noticed them.  Now I did.  My eyes had been truly opened. 

Weird?  Yes!  But good weird.

We all have parts of us we try to suppress.  But it never works.  The trick is to reach out to them and make them feel safe enough to come back home.  Some parts are adults.  Some are children.  Some come readily.  Some will negotiate.  Some will take a lot of time to come around. 

But they all have the same thing in common.  They need to feel accepted for the job they're trying to do.  Because they are all trying their best for us.  Just often it's not in helpful or healthy ways.

Since that day I have helped many parts to come home.  To find peace.  Parts of mine and parts of my clients.  It's always a powerful experience.  Although no one has ever reacted quite like I did that day.  She was a strong one, that's for sure.

In part 2 of this post, I'll write about how I felt a part of me die inside when my Mum died 16 years ago.  And how I finally recovered that part of me just this morning ...

And in the meantime, maybe you could consider what parts you might be rejecting or ignoring.  Perhaps you could take a moment to chat with them.  Invite them home for tea maybe.  To take a load off and rest a while.  Together once more.

Photo: John Hain, Pixabay