I'll never forget the day I befriended my inner critic. It was one of the breakthrough moments of my NLP training a few years ago.
She was such a nasty piece of work. She brought me down constantly with her bitchy remarks and deeply gloomy attitude. Nothing was ever good enough for her. Especially me.
I'd been trying to shut her up for years, but she wasn't having it. I'd been doing it all wrong. Because she was just a misguided part of me who actually thought she was helping. And suppressing her just made her scream louder ...
So when I actually started listening to her, we worked it out in about 5 minutes! And when she came over to my side, an electric shock went through my entire body as she gave me back all the energy she'd been using to keep her tirade going. Feeling all this new power left me shaky and spacey for the rest of the day.
And I remember bursting into racking sobs and tears of relief (hers I think) as she relaxed and kinda dissolved into me. No longer separate, frustrated and alone. She was home. And just glad to kick her shoes off, let go and rest.
Life changing stuff!
That evening as I walked back along the seafront at Brighton, all the colours seemed brighter and the sounds around me happier. People smiled at me for no reason. I think all that positive energy was catching.
And as I climbed the stairs to the apartment where I was staying, I suddenly noticed I could see both of the walls. Now this was a real shock. My vision was wider. Before I would not have noticed them. Now I did. It was like my eyes had been opened.
Weird? Yes! But good weird.
We all have parts of us we try to suppress. But it never works. The trick is to reach out to them and make them feel safe enough to come back home. Some parts are adults. Some are children. Some come readily. Some will negotiate. Some will take a lot of time to come around. But they all have the same thing in common. They need to feel accepted for the job they're trying to do. Because they are all trying their best for us. Just often it's not in helpful or healthy ways.
Since that day I have helped many parts to come home. To feel free of the burden they are carrying. To find peace. Mine and those of my clients. I no longer need help to do this work for myself, because like many things, it's easy when you know how. When you've experienced it once, you can practice it and then eventually do it quickly and easily. The mind and body remember.
It's my mission to share this with the world and prevent the kind of suffering I lived with for decades. So I'm creating a mind training program where you'll learn how to do this kind of stuff for yourself (and much, much more!). So if you want to find a new personal freedom and energy that you'd forgotten was possible, sign up for my newsletter here and you'll get a special discount when I launch.
In part 2 of this post, I'll write about how I felt a part of me die inside when my Mum died 16 years ago. And how I finally recovered that part of me just this morning ...
And in the meantime, maybe you could consider what parts you might be rejecting or ignoring. Maybe then you could welcome them. Maybe even invite them home for tea. To take a load off and rest a while.
I'm just putting the kettle on ...
Photo: John Hain, Pixabay
Back in July I posted about new research that found most stress we feel is not bad for us.
Yeah! Not at all!
The problem? This only works as long as we truly believe it.
It's the worrying about being stressed that actually narrows our arteries and causes our illnesses.
This is so amazing, I thought I'd mention it again and pass on this TED talk about it.
Before my training in self mastery, I found it impossible to change my stress response. And it was doubly hard to convince myself my stress wasn't bad for me. Because it FELT so bad back then.
It doesn't help either when someone tries to remind us the stress we're feeling is nothing to worry about. Calm down? Really?
Nope. Doesn't help at all.
But I know it IS possible to change. And now I choose to love the way my body prepares me to act when I think anxious thoughts.
It can be quite a revelation to watch myself when those wild stress hormones turn up.
We really shouldn't be so hard on them. They're only doing their job......
I'm sitting by the computer and, even with the windows closed, I can hear the nightingales singing outside. I so look forward to this time of year - first it's the frogs and not long after we get the crickets and then the nightingales, as well as all the other birds, warbling their little hearts out.
But it's that nightingale song gets me deeper than the rest. Right down, into my heart. There's just something about it.
I have friends who hate the sound because it keeps them awake at night, but I'm mesmerized by it's tone and variability. I love the whistley parts best. It actually sends me to sleep at night. Doesn't disturb me at all. To me it's a hopeful and positive song, not grating or annoying in any way. In fact, I open the window wider at night to hear it even more clearly. It says to me "don't worry, everything's fine, sleep well".
If you'd like a reminder of the wonderful song of this special bird, then click on the video on this RSPB page. That's exactly what I can hear right now. And it's LOUD!
There's one thing that does slightly concern me. How does this little bird keep singing 24/7, for what must be well over a week now, without getting a sore throat?
They're real stayers, these nightingales and I, for one, love them all.
Have you read this most wonderful Derek Walcott poem "Love after Love" on those mindful moments when you stop that mind chatter, engage directly with your senses and rediscover yourself for a while?
My most favourite poem! Ever!
It's like a warm hug.
And it feels even more powerful when I read it aloud.
Wonderful, wonderful words........
I've got another nomination for President of the World. And the nomination is (drum roll please):
He's a guy who made a monumental mistake, admitted it and now is spending the rest of his life trying to make up for it.
And if his discovery about reversing desertification is a fraction as great as he suggests and if it's not too late already, he may just have saved our climate and ourselves from ourselves.
Have a look at his bravely honest and refreshingly insightful TED talk and see what you think.
I found it hugely inspiring and uplifting to see this guy turn what was a terrible mistake into hope for all.
That there is always hope, even when the day seems impossibly dark...
He likes to sleep on his back and, if it's too light for him, he hides his eyes behind his paws.
Big bear's paws.
He is the biggest cat I've ever seen and he turned up at our house one day and decided to stay. He'd sleep under our van and used to eat Spot's leftovers.
At first, we used to shoo him away, because our cat, Spot, has a very nervous nature.
But we noticed that Spot quite liked Tommy. They would sit together outside.
Never seen her act like that before.
We'd joke that he was like Kevin Costner to her Whitney Houston in "The Bodyguard". He became her rock and she felt safe outside when he was around.
She even started chasing after intruding cats herself - finally got herself some brazen courage!
We put an advert on the internet in case someone was missing Tommy. We even had a lady come round to see if he was her lost cat "Vega", but Tommy legged it down the road and hid until she left.
We were worried that we'd never see him again, but he came right back as soon as her car turned the corner.
He wasn't going anywhere.
So Tommy joined our family and now another 3 stray cats have adopted us at our new home in the countryside - it's a crazy cat-filled life!
Spot & Tommy - sleeping like two book-ends!
Having a companion animal can also ensure we live longer and reduce stress - see this article about the health and even social life benefits!
And if we can adopt a homeless animal, then we're doing something really amazing.
Here's a short, but unforgettably wonderful clip about the rescue, rehabilitation and re-homing of a stray, blind dog they named "Fiona".
Brings a happy, hopeful tear every time I watch it.
Us humans can be amazing animals too, can't we?
Janet Echelman designs and makes the most amazingly beautiful fluid sculptures and then puts them in the sky where everyone can enjoy them.
See some of her work and her talk about how she creates them here. It's quite a story from someone who was rejected by art school.
So she went ahead and made her art anyway.
This made me gasp with astonishment, so I thought I'd share it.
We all hear a lot bandied about regarding the amount of money owed by one country to another and the size of the national debt and suchlike.
An example is this amazing diagram of how billions of dollars were spent, owed, earned etc. in 2009. It certainly puts the credit crunch cost in perspective.
But I could never really get to grips with what a millon or a billion, let alone a trillion, dollars really look like.
For example, I assumed that I'd need a pretty big bin liner to hold a million, but I was wrong. Apparently a small grocery bag would do it. No problem at all.
So knowing that, what do you reckon a billion looks like? And what about a trillion?
Help is at hand. It's been worked out and put it on the internet for us.
The difference between a billion and a trillion. Wow! You have to see this.....
Mind blowing ....
"... outstanding in the field of self discovery..."
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